Untitled by Casarah Catucci

Chapter One 　 I could've killed her last night, and i would've too if I didn't love her. The chick is just getting out of control. I can't believe she tried to use my son in the middle of all this. 　 " I swear Anthony, you get on my last nerve. Always talkin' about how you care about me and my son, but you don't even support us. You got us over here in this damn fucked up apartment complex where the hallways smell of piss and you gotta stay below the windows because the place might get shot up. I'm sick of all this shit. That's why I been fuckin' with other guys. They say they gon' take care of me and little Sean. So unless you want your kid callin' some otha' nigga daddy I suggest you start givin' me some damn money!" 　 " You know what Tanya, you're hella messy. I should have known from the beginning your ass was like that. And sittin' here threatenin' me with my fuckin' son, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you bringin' my son around otha' niggas Tanya?" 　 " I ain't right now but if you don't step up your game I will. Trust me." 　 " You're fucked up man, I swear I wish your true colors would have came out sooner, then I wouldn't be in this mess!" 　 " So you saying you regret having Sean?" 　 " Nah, I don't regret having him, I regret having you as the mom. Now let me get my son so we can be out this bitch." As she went to get my son, I sat in the living room thinking, " What did i everdo to deserve this?" 　 Tanya came back into the living room about twenty minutes later with tears running down her face, with Sean and his bags in her arms. " What you cryin' for? Ain't nobody hit you, or threatenin' to keep your son from you. So what the fuck?" 　 " I'm just tired of fightin' with you. It's like everytime we see eachother we gotta argue about somethin'. I want us to be happy and be a family that Sean deserves to have. You and I both know what it's like to grow up without our fathers around. I don't know about you, but I don't want to put our son through that pain. He doesn't deserve that Anthony." I could tell that she was serious when she said that by the look in her eyes. She seemed like a little girl who only had one more chance to keep her drunk father from beating her. But words wouldn't escape my mouth so I just stared into her eyes, knowing that i love her just as much as I love my son, and I didn't want to loose her. Tanya was my world, as well as our son, and he just added to the guilt I felt when her and I argued. After a couple minutes passed of silence, I grapped my son and his bags for the weekend, and kissed her as I turned to esit the building. Before I closed the door, she stopped me and said, " I still love you with all of my heart, I just want you to know that." 　 " I know you do Tanya. I still love your crazy ass too," I said as I wiped the tears that were running down her carmel colored cheek, and finally made my way down the hall to leave. All that excitement made me hungry, so I decided to stop off at one of the best burger joints that I knew of, Fantastic Burger. After I ordered my large fry, bacon avocado double cheese burger, and an orange bang, I couldn't wait to get home to eat. Just my luck, we got stuck in traffic and it took us 45 minutes to get home, rather than the normal 25 minutes. As I find my keys to my apartment,I hear my phone ring but I don't make it in on time to answer it. The answering machine gets it and it's Tanya, she wants me to call her because she thinks it's important that we talked about what she said. I would call her eventually, but that was m time to eat and spend sometime with my son, who already spotted all the new toys I bought him. I sat on the table as I watched him testing his toys out, with joy spread all over his face like he just woke up on Christmas morning. 　 When I was done eating, I played with him for a few hours and then put him in the bath so that he can go to sleep fresh. When he was first born, I have to admit that I didn't know how to give my baby a bath but I learned overtime and now it's not so tricky. I got him out of his warm bath and dressed him in his favorite blue fire truck thermal pajamas, and layed him down in his crib and read him a story. Once I knew he was asleep, I made sure he was covered good enough but to where he can still breathe throughout the night. I watched him sleep for a little while, making sure that he was ok and thinking about what Tanya had said earlier. It isn't fair for Sean to have to go through this, I know he didn't ask to be brought into this world. It was mine and Tanya's fault for letting temptation get the better of us. I don't mean that my son was a mistake because having him here made me feel a love that I've never felt before, and it's amazing to know that this little person is half of who I am. I knew I had to get shit straight for his sake, I just didn't know where to start. Before exiting his room for the remainder of the night, I gave him a little kiss on his soft cheek and whispered, " I love you son. Things will get better for this little family, I promise." As I was walking down the hall, it felt a little breezy so I turned the heater on so that neither the baby or I get sick. After getting ready for bed and throwing on some fresh pair of sweats and a white-tee, I hopped into my king size bed and fell asleep. 　 I woke up to Sean crying for a bottle, so I ran as quick as I can to make him one but i tripped on a toy car in the middle of the hallway. It hurt like a bitch but I had to hurry to get to him because I knew he was hungry. When I walked in he ws really glad to see the bottle in my hand, it made me feel bad. I know that many kids cry for their food in the morning, but seeing his fave looked as if he's been starving for a few days hurt me. I always told myself that I would never deprive my son of his necessaties or the things that he may want. I didn't want him to grow up just another statistic. I fed him his milk and decided to get him ready for the day. I put him in some Ecko jeans with a matching tee and black and white Ecko sneakers. I put him down in the living room to watch t.v and made sure that the door was locked before I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.